


Victim Complex

by SunlitDarkness



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Bad Ending, Delusions, Gen, Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), POV Second Person, Paranoia, The Desolation Fear Domain (The Magnus Archives), The Stranger Fear Domain (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunlitDarkness/pseuds/SunlitDarkness
Summary: Statement analysing where Desolation and Stranger overlap.Are you more afraid of having something and losing it or of having that something harm you?Maybe both is the worst option.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Victim Complex

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic.

You will never know another person again.

You will never open your heart to let another soul see your tender squirming insides.

You will never be made small. Never feel a soft and kind and hopeful kiss. You'll never feel it turn cruel either.

You look at your life from over your shoulder and catch a flicker of interest from the neighbor. Your heart stutters a beat, in excitement, in fear. What will you be when their interest wanes and yours does not? What will that pain feel like? Can it be worse than the twist of fear of that pain that you feel right now considering it could happen?

You will never know another person again.

You are your body and that is all. But physical illness has stolen parts of it from you and you lie in dreams in your mind.

Your mind is your own. Your mind is you. Except when it isn't. Like how the therapists so long ago had told you that it is not you who wants to hurt you, wants to die. Its something that's not you. You are your body. Your body loves you. Except that it cant because it has been broken.

There's no deep down. Everyone is just their bodies, their words, their actions. Hopes and dreams and goals and morals are all made manifest through those tangible things. You can see them. You do not need to know them. You can see who they are and how they could and would harm your fragile body as they are now. Even if you asked, you cannot control them. Caring for you might not be enough to convince them not to hurt you. You might not be worth changing for.

They probably aren't worth the pain and hurts it would take to teach them to love you.

You cannot control anybody. And anybody could hurt you.

It is not worth it to know another person. That decision has never dulled the pain and fear of how they could harm your body, manipulate you into thinking their cruelty is love, withhold all affection and interaction because now's not a good time. Won't you be the bigger person and let this rain check, this mistake, this bad day slide?

Theres the anxiety deep inside you with teeth that chew your heart and lungs saying in one breath that you've made a mistake and misjudged all the people around you, and in another it hisses that you deserved all the pain before and it is normal for how people interact. In another bite it holds your beating heart and berates you for ever hoping, ever wishing to be known and loved. Under its sharp and heavy hands, your voice and resilience whimper that you've grown and changed and can recognize danger better now.

Yes it hisses for you through your throat. You can see the danger.

The danger is you. The only common factor is you. You invite this pain. You deserve it and always have. You have lost all these parts of yourself because it is the consequence you brought on yourself. They do not want to harm you, but it is your due. You shouldn't begrudge them finding some kind of pleasure in your punishment.

Keep the others safe.

Never know another person again.

You will never know another person again.

**Author's Note:**

> The Lonely is not part of this fear because its not about the fear of being alone. Its about the fear of other people wanting you and hurting you in the same breath. Stranger feels because other people being fundamentally incomprehensible and easily becoming unrecognizable are strong components in this fear for me.


End file.
